Sweaty palms, can't breathe, shaky hands, butterflies, jello legs, it feels like all the blood in your body is rushing to your face.

Have you ever experienced this when you feel nervous in a game? Do you ever wonder why you have such a strong physiological reaction when you become nervous or anxious? Nerves are a result of fear or anxiety. Humans are conditioned to worry about social perception and reputation. So when you're in the box, on the mound, playing in front of college coaches, or cameras are in your face, your reputation or social perception is being threatened. We're going to talk about what fear is, what it looks like, how it makes us feel, and how to work with fear to be kinder to ourselves.

What's happening? Why can't I control my nerves?

Fear kicks in and the body goes into fight or flight mode. The body speeds up, tenses up, and all of your senses become extremely heightened. Your digestive system and immune system shut down to conserve energy and resources giving you a sensation of butterflies or goosebumps. Do you have trouble focusing when your nervous? Your brain thinks there is a major threat going on and it's trying to figure out where it's coming from. So trying to hit a softball may not be at the top of your brain's list of threats.

What is Fear?

Fear has kept us humans alive for thousands of years. Sometimes we forget that. It is a survival mechanism built inside each of us ultimately to protect us from danger.

How do we respond to Fear? 

Fear has got a bad rap often characterized as the enemy of confidence. Our culture tells us to be fearless. Trying to fight off fear with sayings like, "Have No Fear" "Fear no one" "Be fearless" "Fear is the enemy" "Conquer your fears!" How can we conquer something that lives with us everyday? Fear is the thing that tells us not to walk alone at night down a dark alley. Thank you, fear, for not letting me do that.

Softball culture does not like to talk about fear. Often times we remain silent. We pretend like it doesn't exist. It's in our language. "Everything's fine." "It's all good." "No worries." Are we going to allow fear and anxiety to the rob us of the joy of the game? Let's try something different and start by having a conversation about fear.

I want to invite you to build a relationship with fear, nerves, anxiety, etc. Personify it. Give it name. If you really think about it, fear is built in our brains to protect us from harm. So when you look at fear that way, is it really all that bad? Yes, I know it gets in the way of performing at your best and that's certainly true, but I think we can begin to be more in tune with our reactions and emotions. We can build a better relationship with fear.

After playing for 15 years, growing up a coach's daughter, and coaching for eight years at every level, these experiences and challenges have taught me a lot about myself as a daughter, player, and a coach. Here is a compilation of the best practices working with anxiety and fear:

Breathe and Stretch

When you feel nervous energy building up in your body, inhale deeply, letting your shoulders raise up, sigh out, and allow your shoulders to drop. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Raise your arms above your head reaching for the sky. Breathing is so critical to restoring your body back to normal and getting back to the present moment. When you feel your heart racing or you're having difficulty focusing, that would be the time to breathe and stretch. Breathing delivers much needed oxygen to your brain and to your muscles in times in fight or flight. Yoga is extremely helpful in terms of breathing, stretching, and managing your internal thoughts.

Hold your Power Stance

Be a scientist of your own experiment. Observe the way other players look like when they're nervous. What is your body language saying? Are your shoulders slumped? What does your facial expression say? Stand tall with you shoulders back and chest open. Make sure your shoulders aren't slumped forward.

Personify your Fear & Anxiety 

Fear is built in our brain to protect us from danger. Often times we pretend that fear doesn't enter our minds, but it's there and sometimes we can't shake it. We try to fight fear off instead of talking to it like it were a person or a thing. Whatever you want to call it, try to talk to fear and anxiety with kindness. Fear can be like mom or dad, he/she means well and has the best intentions, but can be overbearing and overprotective. "Mom I love you and I know you want the best for me. But nothing bad is going to happen." 

How can you talk to fear? "Fred (fear), I know you want to protect me and you've kept me alive. I'm really grateful for what you've done for me. But I assure you nothing in this moment is going to put me in immediate danger. You can relax, I'm just playing softball." 

Repeat your Mantra

We are the sum of who and what we surround ourselves with. When you visually see a word, phrase, or a symbol that triggers you to be in the moment, breathe, it can help reduce fear and anxiety. This doesn't mean that you don't think ahead to the next play. This mantra is used when you feel nervous energy and need a routine or reminder. You can write your mantra on your glove, helmet, or batting gloves. Here are some examples

• Breathe
• This pitch.
• This moment.
• Be here.
• Be present.
• Play.
• Nobody's in danger, I'm just playing softball.

Visualize your Desired Outcome

What movie are you playing in your head? Are you hitting the double in the right-center gap? Or are you playing the don't strike out strikeout movie? When you're in the dugout and know that you're coming up to bat and feel yourself getting nervous, I encourage you to take the time to stand tall, breathe, maybe even close your eyes and imagine the outcome you wish to see happen. Believe in it's power. Live in the moment and try to make it happen. If it doesn't work out, don't fret. Learn from that at-bat and continue to practice your visualization. Set your intention and take victory in directing the movie in your own mind.

Practice 

Sounds silly but playing against the best teams and practicing consistently at a high level, you will begin to feel more comfortable and confident in your performance. Teams like Oklahoma, LSU, Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, UCLA, and Arizona are at the World Series year after year for a reason. Experience playing in regionals and Oklahoma City gets easier with practice.

Is there a person (parent, coach, player) in your life that makes you feel anxious or nervous?

Emotions and frustrations can run high in perceived pressure performance situations. It's important to remember that your mom, dad, and coaches concerns come from a place of love and goodness. Growing up, my dad was notorious for being hard on me. Every little thing I did was being watched and evaluated. When I went away to college, he became my part-time coach. During the World Series, I felt an immense sense of pressure and anxiety. We lost and I didn't have my best performance at the plate.

After the World Series, I was frustrated and pissed off with the outcome and blamed myself for losing. I was in a place where I replayed the "Failure" trailer over and over in my head. Reliving that nightmare was not good. My Dad asked me about my at-bats and I lashed out at him. "I don't want to talk about it. We lost and I sucked," I snapped. I felt my blood boiling and my heart rising up to my throat. Where was that anger coming from? All he was trying to do was talk to me about how I could be better because he loves me and wants the best for me. And my response was to lash out? That doesn't add up.

If I had to do it over, I would respond differently. This would be my do-over: "Dad I know you want to help and you always have. I haven't quite let go of this game and this season. I'm not in a place right now to talk about this. Can we talk about this another time?"

Parents

You are always looking out for your children. You want the best for them. Recognize when your kid is feeling pressure and allow them the distance they need to work through their nerves. Remind them to breathe when their faces become rigid and tight. Remind your kids to have fun and play the game they've grown to love. Hug them to remind them that you come from a place of love and goodness.

Fear is a vital part of all of us. As we continue to grow and change, we should make room to work with fear and anxiety. Nobody has it all figured out. You're not alone. I still wrestle with fear and anxiety in my own life post-softball. The only difference is that I choose kindness over destruction and gratitude over punishment. It is my hope that this message serves you well in your practice and in your life.